Rumor has it that Garnier scientists pulled strains of DNA from famous haired heads like Farrah Fawcett, Nicole Kidman, and Suzanne Somers to create their new Instant Melting Conditioners.

Whether you need to reduce frizz or add shine, Garnier Instant Melting Conditioner provides salon quality results without breaking the bank. Infused with apricot and avocado oil to smooth or vitamins B3 and B6 to hydrate, you’ll immediately notice the difference. Before leaving the house, you may want to consider donning large, opaque sunglasses, a disinterested attitude and a surgically attached cellphone so that your agent can contact you concerning your alleged relationship with that Greek financier.

Sheehan McGuirk